Hello Blogging friends, or people who are a friend on FB and can see when I finally take time to write.. Aka this is my journal and I’ve always used writing as a way to vent (but clearly have been way to busy this summer.)
Ah here we are. I love the sound of these key strokes by the way! HA any who, most of you know Matt and I started working together back in January. Our lives have been full force since then. I mean that was a hefty career change from WBPD. But being the people we are, we prayed about this transition and it just felt “right”… Flash back to two years ago we went thru a foster class. We were sure at that time we were wanting kids and wanting to move forward with our family. Still trying to conceive on our own. (HAHA still are) But God put up a halt if you will. We both felt him saying “nope, not yet. I’m not done with the two of you just yet.” We didn’t know about the future career change, we didn’t know he wanted us to enjoy each other a little more before our word was filled with littles. We just were aggravated with each other, I felt guilty, was I being selfish?? NO- I wasn’t. Now that I can look back over these last two years and see: Our marriage has evolved and grown tremendously. We have always been in a great place, but we’ve climbed mountains, hit lows, and gained a respect for each other we needed to do “alone”.
I love seeing how things work when looking back. I know I’m not the only one who is head scratching for months and then saying “Ohhhhhh I get it now.” I remember I had a teacher in the 7th grade who made us journal everyday. We had a word we had to base our writing off of, but it was about our thoughts, our day-to-day. I still have that book, my oh my I’m so thankful for change, and growth.
So Matt and I are back to square one. Wanting to “explore” again we felt God calling us to look back into adoption. And what do you know, DSS was going to be our route again. One, because the need is insanely real. (if you have the time, home, and family help you should look into it) Two, adoption agencies even in our state is up to an avg of 30k as a total when its all said and done.. And in a world were we are needed on a level that isn’t 100% on who, what age, or when, we knew it was the right path in this.
At the time of us going into this (2 years ago) we didn’t know we could be on a list to adopt mainly. Of course if God brings children in and out of our home that is his call. Although we felt his tug to look into this, in the adoptive perspective. We have great schedules now, mainly him not having that dang on call phone helped with my worries on him leaving in the middle of the night and me home alone with kids. Or the cases that would hit so close to him while us being involved in “foster/adoptive” care would mess with him mentally. Clearly God was waiting to “grow” our family after he “grew” us. It is comical though, we are right toward the end of having to take the classes again. Yet somehow we have this underway before then. ** cough, cough GOD** My mom gave us back the crib we had bought, that Thomas has used and outgrew. ** GOD** We have an SUV we weren’t expecting, but under circumstance God had worked out for someone else, in return I’m seeing how it might have been worked out for us as well. **GOD**
And it is in those moments I see His hand working.
T W O years, it took all these little pieces to get us here. Matt and I have enjoyed 3 vacations with each other. A lot of couples can miss out on that. Not that His plans didn’t include a time for them, but we make choices, and new paths are created. He has worked on us spiritually, even when we have run away, or questioned him, he holds out that “life-preserver” and wants to show us Him in these struggles. So maybe me not being able to naturally have babies (at this time or forever) is His way of using me for His kingdom. (awesome part of last Sundays church sermon) You know when you see yourself in 10+ years, I see a bunch of kids. Kids that God is literally going to be hand place in our home, because I believe He will!! And it’s also a silver lining thing. Sin exists. Period. But He trades beauty for ashes. For the bio-mom who can’t seem to get her life right, and the dad that isn’t able to step up. I’m not shaming you, I will happily raise your precious child (children) in a way they deserve. And I thank you for the opportunity, even though it’s a messy one, full of heartache, that child will know a mothers love, from me. And I will know a Childs love, and I cannot wait to feel that.
So yeah, life is about to change, life is about to get more real than I can even imagine. But I am not scared. He has given me a husband that is MY partner for life. That is going to make a wonderful, amazing, loving, silly, full of songs, and funny voices Father. I cannot wait to watch Matt’s journey in this as well. I guess if anyone reads this, this is our way of announcing yet again, we are opening our hearts, our home, and our family up to whom ever He places with us. I am so blessed, and so very grateful.
Stay tuned,
LM
Thoughts from paper in a paperless world 